Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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