I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
false alarm, still single
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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