she looked like the before picture.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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