Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
