angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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