By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
