I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize