I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
