DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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