Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
