her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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