I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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