You just made me feel so damn special
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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