she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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