Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
