sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
