you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
