it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Never joke about your clitoris.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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