I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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