They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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