You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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