I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
