I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
