the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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