the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
