im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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