Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
