I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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