you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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