Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
