T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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