Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
