exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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