I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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