You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
