So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
