i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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