Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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