I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
