There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
