They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We're too hungover to prance.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Come on in and take your pants off
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