I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize