not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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