I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
