dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
