I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
