u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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