Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
