I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
