I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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