i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
