I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
