I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
