I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
