Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
