as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
