they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If its not for food we ain't going out.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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