My hand turned me down
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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