I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
