Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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