i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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