I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
