I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize