can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
