You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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