Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize