guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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