And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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