Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
