i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
