She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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