I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
