Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize