at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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