I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
