uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i think i have herpe
just one?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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