Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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