i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
what day is it and did you see me today?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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