Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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