dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
