no, he came in my armpit
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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