you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
