I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
