Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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