I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
