Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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