Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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