i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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