why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
