wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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