new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
