Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
