I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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