I wish I could punch you in the face.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
