just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
