She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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