I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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