You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
