My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
