Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
