you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
