Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
