My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize