I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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