I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
